Revealing Conversations

Teacher Stephanie Hruzek tells the story of 10 year old boy who came up to her with a note he claimed he had found on the floor. It was an obscenity-laced tirade.  When Stephanie asked him who would write such an angry note, he said he didn't know.  That night the staff watched the footage from video cameras in the school.  It turned out that the boy who brought the note was the one who’d actually written it.  When they confronted him with the evidence, he denied it at first, and the natural impulse would have been to punish him for the hate-filled document. But instead of acting quickly, perhaps even angrily, they sat with him for a while and talked. Eventually he began to cry and said “I wrote that note to a man who hurt me”.  So the obscenities were his way of telling us that there was something important going on - but the actual issue was only revealed after a patient and open conversation, which then allowed a  different and much more important matter to emerge.  What seemed to be one problem was revealed to be another.

I can think of a colleague who, many years ago, had shouted at another colleague over a completely trivial matter. This second colleague had come to see me, and after hearing the story I went to see the first one. It turned out he had been hospitalised the previous weekend with vertigo, and was adjusting to medication. Not an excuse to shout at an innocent, of course, but important context; and one that made the difference between being sent home and being asked if he needed to take some time away from school.  Again, the real issue was not the presenting issue.

Source

Stories like these show how there is much that can be revealed through patient, caring conversations, which are the bread-and-butter of good schools and good organisations.  They take time and attention, and most importantly the will to listen and ask thoughtful questions.   They are the best investments a teacher or leader can make.  Traditionally they have happened face-to-face, and so as we head into our second round of school closures here in Singapore, we are determined that we do not lose these deep, vital and transformative conversations.  

Reference

Brooks, D (2020) The Second Mountain